Being in a drought is one of the worst things for a Christian. You feel helpless and alone. You are down in the valley feeling like God is nowhere near. Well that was me for a solid six months at the beginning of this year. It was honestly the worst drought I had ever been in. There were times where I questioned if I even wanted to come out of it. The biggest factor that played into it was my living situation. It is crazy how much your living situation effects who you are.

I had been living in a very toxic environment that had been deemed a “ministry”. It was far from it. Satan had definitely had been set on full on attack mode in that house. Wether it be with roommates or the girl living across the hall, there was tension and heartache. There was gossip and slander. There were many nights where I would lay awake at night, crying out to God to deliver me from it.

The biggest relationship that was destroyed was between my roommate and I. Dang, that is one that truly breaks my heart. She was “roommate” and one of my best friends at the time. There are many things that I said to her that I wish I could take back. I also wish that I could take back the way that I acted towards her. I honestly was a bitch. I hate saying that in a post that is meant to reflect Jesus but it is true. I was an awful person towards my housemates over those six months. I was not the person that the Lord created me to be.

There is a lyric in a song that I have heard recently that blows open the doors on what it means to love. “Don’t waste your breath if it’s not for love.” When I first heard that, I was writing a paper in a coffee shop and I completely stopped what I was doing to play that back to make sure I heard it correctly. It convicted me so so so much. In that moment, I knew that I needed to apologize to everyone of my housemates that I had hurt last year because those lyrics are how a follower of Jesus should be living.

So, once spring semester came to an end, people slowly started to move out. People that at the time gave me immense anxiety. The summer and this fall was spent refocusing on who God is and who he wants me to be as a woman of Christ. Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t easy at all. I had to repent of the way I had acted. It was hard. It was very hard for me to get where I am right now.

I am sitting here, in the Roosevelt, on fire for Christ, thanking God for redemption and reconciliation and how powerful it is when you do it right. Prayerfully. Through Him.