There has been something that I have been meditating on a lot lately. That is the concept of the Lord fighting for us. We see this specifically in the parable of the lost sheep in Matthew 18 and also in Luke 15. In Matthew 18:12, it states “if a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountain and go in search for the one that went astray?” Looking back at my life, I can see many cases where this has become evident. There are four instances in particular that come to mind.

1.) When I was a junior in high school, I attempted suicide. That was the second lowest point in my life thus far. That was a time where I felt as though I had nothing. I felt like no one was there for me, I felt like my life was over, I felt like I was too far gone. I remember sitting in my bed and taking a razor ready to end it all. I cut everywhere. It was horrendous. I had blacked out and came back awhile later with blood everywhere. It was a miracle that I survived that. But, you know what, the Lord is a true miracle worker. He fought for me.

2.) The next moment was at the end of my first year of college. I had been dating someone who I was madly in love with to the point where it was unhealthy. So, when he broke up with me, it shattered my world. The following days after this, would soon be the rockiest moments of my life. Moments where it would come down to life or death. It was a Sunday night and I walked back to my dorm room with my friends waiting there to comfort me. (I later learned that those friends where hiding everything sharp that they could find and I praise God for that.) The next day was unbearable. I was having awful anxiety attacks one after the other. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t stop crying. This lead me to being admitted into Ohio State’s Harding Hospital in the calm unit. The time spent in the hospital allowed me to tune back into the Lord. I know that if those friends hadn’t had convinced me to seek help, I would have attempted suicide once again. But, the Lord fought for me.

3.) The Spring of 2017 was a very interesting time. It was a time where I was incredibly far away from the Lord. That was honestly to do with a not so ideal living situation. I have experienced first hand at how where and who you live with affects who you are. I turned into a different person. I basically became the person I was before I knew Christ and that person was not so pleasant. It was a severe drought that was filled with a lot of hurt and pain and it took unraveling that and redemption and a whole lot of forgiveness to help me come out of it. In that dry season, he fought for me.

4.) The current season I am in is one that may end up being the hardest seasons of my life. So, I was raised by my grandparents and I have always been extremely close to my grandmother. She is essentially a mother to me. Well, she was recently diagnosed with non-curable, stage 4 lymphoma. This is something that has been extremely hard to process and there have been quite a few sleepless and tear-filled nights. This is a season that is going to require prayer and trust. But what I do know, is that he is fighting for me.

The one thing that has been a constant recurrence in my life is that the Lord is constantly fighting for me. It doesn’t matter how far I try to run, it doesn’t matter how much I try to hide.  He catches me, he finds me, and he will do what needs to be done to have me back into his loving arms. Just as in Matthew 18, he leaves the 99 to make sure I am safe and found. He will run up mountains and run through fields and light up any shadow to find me. That is what I am resting in tonight.