From January 2nd to the 5th, I had the privilege to attend the Cross Conference in Louisville, Kentucky. This conference is dedicated to the Nations and missions. I, along with 11 other people from my church, went to this conference. (The church actually paid for us to go). I honestly didn’t know what to expect out of this conference. I really just had no expectations.

DAY ONE

We left from the church on January 2nd and headed to Louisville. Someone who went to this conference with us was Jessie Wachtman. I was so excited about this because she led me Christ four and a half years ago. She then went off to college and we disconnected. We were able to reconnect and share how our lives have been since 2014. That is how the majority of the car ride was spent.

After we got to Louisville, we settled into the hotel and then headed to the convention center. As I said, I had ZERO expectations. Well once I figured out that the theme of the conference was going from Genesis to Revelation, I was overwhelmed. Out of all things, I did not expect that.

The first night’s session was dedicated to Genesis and Joshua. I love Genesis and I love hearing talks on it. Genesis 1-2 was the beginning. It was perfect shalom. I could honestly go on all day about shalom. Shalom is a perfect peace. There was shalom in the garden with Adam and Eve. God spoke creation into existence and creation spoke back. Everything danced to a certain rhythm. Everything was perfect. Then of course the fall occurred in Genesis 3 and that rhythm was utterly broken.

As a response to the fall, God’s wrath was exalted. The power of God’s wrath is something that I have only began to comprehend. The book of Lamentations really helped me understand the true power of it. The loss during the fall was catastrophic. Holiness, righteousness, and purity were ultimately marred. Genesis shows us the beginning of God’s redemptive plan, specifically in Genesis 3:15, 6-9, and 22.

The talk following the one on Genesis was on Joshua. This one really got me. It really did. The book of Joshua begins with Moses dying. This was unimaginable for him. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong. This made me think of my grandmother dying. She passed away under a year ago and honestly her death is one that I never wanted to imagine because I knew how hard it would be. The Lord went onto speak to Joshua and reassure him that if He was with Moses, He would be with him as well. That is what really hit me. My grandmother was the only person in my family who knew Jesus. She was the rock in my family. After her passing, a part of me felt alone in my family. But ultimately in Joshua 1:6, all Joshua had to do was be strong and courageous. He had to trust and obey God’s promises. I need to remind myself that if my grandmother was a light of Jesus in my family, I could be too. I just need to trust, obey, and have faith.

After those two talks, there was a panel of men discussing an array of things. One thing that I really took away from it was eternal suffering. I honestly think a part of me just doesn’t acknowledge that those who don’t know Christ, will suffer in hell for all of eternity. It made me feel so convicted that my heart isn’t utterly breaking for those close to me who don’t know Christ. One person in particular is one of my cousins who I am closest to. I don’t want to imagine heaven without her. I think this gave me a fresh mindset on the people who don’t know Christ. They will suffer for eternity and I want my life to be marked by doing anything to pursue and love those who are on a path towards an eternity of immense suffering.

After the first night’s session, we headed back to the hotel to discuss as a group what was going through our minds. I was very quiet. I had so much swirling around in my head. What was swirling in my head was how the Lord has been presenting himself to me over the past few months. In November, I had a dream where I was on my knees worshiping and the Lord was right in front of me. It sounded like a gospel choir was singing around me. Over and over again they were singing, “fight until yesterday’s tomorrow is undone.” The dream was so powerful that it woke me up. I tried to google that phrase and I couldn’t find anything. I was honestly so confused by it but I ended up having that dream a few more times after that. Then on December 23rd, I was in the Starbucks in Pickerington spending time with Jesus. I had the song “Reckless Love” pulled up on my laptop. The guy sitting next to me tapped on my shoulder and we got into a conversation about that song and also where we went to church. He asked if he could pray for me and I said yes. While he was praying, he went back and forth between tongues and English and I felt immense peace wash over me. After he prayed, he prophesied over my life. He went on to say he sees me going to the nations, going after the Rachel’s and Leah’s, and loving other women as Christ loved the church. So, I was thinking about those two things while the group was talking and I began to scribble everything down. Robert, the leader of the group, asked me what was going on and I ended up telling him about all of it and the entire group listened in. After I told him about what I heard in the dream, he looked at me and said, “I know exactly what that means.” He asked if anyone else knew and no one did. He said something along the lines of… fight until the dreams you had for your future yesterday are undone. He said that and I wanted to start crying. I got chills and it hit me. The past few years I have had my entire life laid out with college, what to do with my career, and also with my ex-fiancé but it was all completely wrecked over the course of 2018. When I was going to sleep that night, it hit me. It was all wrecked because of me being obedient with the Lord and ending that relationship with Cam and listening to a call on my life to pursue full time vocational ministry.

DAY TWO

On day two, there was more time spent in the Old Testament and calling out where the Lord declares a call to go. This conference has SO much content and theology. If I tried to get all of it into a single blog post, it would probably be 20,000 words. Not even kidding. I did love all of the theology though. At the beginning of 2018, I was craving a deeper intimacy with the Lord. I definitely felt as though I was missing something. After being obedient to the Lord, so much followed and this conference was just what I needed. One of the speakers, Zane Pratt, discussed Psalms. He said that theology leads us into greater worship. I honestly didn’t realize that but it is so true. A deeper understanding of the Lord and his power and his authority demands worship. I have definitely noticed that since I have returned from this conference. I feel as if my worship with the Lord is just so deep and rich and honestly has a new meaning to it. We should never settle with a version of God that doesn’t shatter our version of self and doesn’t invoke an overwhelming fear in His presence.

So after the evening session, I began to reflect on that fact that I feel as if I didn’t acknowledge the importance of overseas mission until this conference. That is honestly because I have a call to high schoolers so I never really thought about it. It just made me realized my ignorance to it. It baffles me that there are billions of people in this world who have never heard the name of Jesus and may never will.

DAY THREE

J.D. Greear was the first speaker of the day and he started out his talk with something so powerful. He literally went from Genesis to Revelation, every single book in the Bible, and said where the Lord shows up in each. It was so so so powerful. He went on to talk about the Gospels. He asked us the question of, “is his mission the center of your ambition?” That really made me think and it made it me think back to the idea of eternal salvation. It made me question, “am I making others salvation the center of my ambition?” If I am being honest, half the time I feel like I don’t. I do my best to love others but I can’t stop there. I have to ask the questions. I have to bring the gospel into the conversation. I must be available for the Holy Spirit to use me.

That night John Piper spoke. I honestly could make his talk an entire post in itself. (Which I will probably make soon. Stay tuned.) He killed it but I believe the biggest take away from it was this: there are three kinds of Christians. You are either a go-er, a sender, or disobedient. I believe that in this life we will be all of those at different points. He went on to say that there is no way forward in this mission without a willingness to be a martyr for the Lord.

DAY FOUR

This conference went out with a bang with Trip Lee and David Platt doing the final two talks.

Trip Lee discussed why we need to church. He touched on a few different points:

1.) To show that we love God.

2.) To grow.

3.) To preserver.

4.) To bear witness.

5.) To be obedient.

This talk made me think a lot about parachurches and a previous panel discussing parachurches. Parachurches are not the church. They are meant to protect the church and support the church. I feel as if sooo many people get so involved in parachurch ministries that they don’t get involved in the local church. I definitely fell prey to this when I was involved in Young Life. It is a great organization, don’t get me wrong but I was so consumed with it that I didn’t take the time to invest in a church. Honestly the most successful Young Life leaders are the ones who are invested in their local church. Jesus didn’t come to build parachurches, he came for the churches. I do believe that parachurch ministries are important and can reach people that the church can’t but it is utterly important for those ministries to be filtering people into the local church and stressing the importance of it.

David Platt’s talk was ridiculous. (In a good way.) His was over the book of Revelation. He did a 50 point sermon which is honestly unheard of. 48 of the points where characteristics of God found in Revelation then the last two were exhortations. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t overwhelmed but the two biggest take aways from it where:

1.) Pursue Jesus as the all consuming passion of your life.

2.) Spend your life for the fame of His name where is not known.

I walked away from this conference with a new mindset on the importance of missions and the importance of theology and a new understand of our Lord. This conference was just what I needed to start off a new year after an extremely hard year full of despair and heartbreak.